Yesterday was a very hot day. Across the city there is an outdoor water park. We don’t have a car. We don’t understand Czech. We also don’t understand how the public transit system works in the city we’re in. We might get lost trying to get there but our airbnb does not have air conditioning (or even fans) and we really wanted to spend the day at the water park. What should we do?
This is a simple problem that illustrates something pretty interesting about the way we tick.
We might think our lives are a series of decisions. Actually, most of the time we are just reacting without taking the time to consider our options and make conscious choices. But when we’re confronted with situations to which a quick automatic solution is not readily available, our autopilot is turned off and we think.
This is work – and it’s a little unpleasant, to be honest. In fact, we tend to avoid turning the crank of the cognitive gear box whenever possible because its slow and effortful (especially if it’s rusty). Daniel Kahneman in his incredible book, Thinking Fast and Slow, calls it System Two (as opposed to System One which is fast, effortless and automatic).
Paradoxically, it’s also what makes us human. We don’t just react. We’re not limited to that option. Sometimes we think, we consider, we agonize. As far as we know, we are unique in our ability to imagine scenarios that do not yet exist. To imagine alternate realities, to project ourselves into the future, to ask, “What if . . .?”
But we get anxious when outcomes are unclear. As I’ve written about before, most of us don’t like uncertainty. In fact, we tend to choose unhappiness over uncertainty (eg. staying in dysfunctional relationships, terrible jobs, etc.).
The fact that we were a little tempted to stay put in our hot apartment rather than accept the uncertainty of venturing out got me thinking. This little conundrum was a metaphor for our entire trip. There was the temptation to stay put in Canada even though we felt smothered and uncomfortable. Instead, we took the leap. Why?
So many people we have talked to say they would love to do something like what we are doing. I think most are very sincere, but I wonder how many will actually do it. There are a million reasons to procrastinate. Enough to last a lifetime. But at the end of the day, most people who want to do something truly adventurous won’t because they’re scared off by uncertainty.
So, here’s a strategy for you. It’s one that worked to get us to the waterpark and it worked to get us on this journey.
Ask yourself: What’s the worst that could happen?
Then: How could I handle that?
The worst thing that could have happened yesterday was that we got lost. We could handle that. In fact, as long as you have access to food and water, the only crappy part about getting lost is conflict with the people you’re lost with. On the other hand, while wandering unfamiliar streets you might even discover something really interesting. This has definitely happened to us.
When planning this family adventure, we asked ourselves the same question: If we do this, what’s the worst that could happen? The answer: Maybe traveling together won’t be as fun as we think it will be and we will gain a new appreciation for “normal” life in Canada. That is not a terrible outcome and one that we could totally live with.
Being mentally prepared for the worst-case scenario frees us up to focus on the opportunities that exist beyond the door of uncertainty. By definition, adventure is about stepping through that door into the unknown.
The benefit of familiarity is predictability. The price is stagnation.
We made our best guess as to what tram to take. The driver spoke no English, but through a combination of gesticulations and passing my phone back and forth with Google Maps, we came to some approximation of understanding.
Ten minutes into the ride, she left her seat and walked back through the crowded tram to find us so that we could stand by her at the front. Another ten minutes later she leaned back and told us to get off at the next stop. The kids chimed in with four “dekuji!” (thanks!) as we got off. She smiled and laughed and said something that I’m pretty sure translates to, “What a bunch of goofy Canadians.”
As for the waterpark? It was AMAZING!
Hi Matt and Lindsay!
We recently found your first planning video from January when googling “family gap year” and have now been following your adventures. We are so excited and inspired for you as this is exactly what we are planning to do next year. Except we are a SMALL family (only one 10 year old son) from California. We’re ready to push pause on the rat race, sell everything to finance a year abroad to see the big world and come together as a family. Your big family has been a joy to follow—your blog posts are inspirational and your videos fun and relatable (and super high quality). Thanks for sharing. We can’t wait to see where you go next!
I can’t begin to tell you how much we appreciate your message! We might be slightly ahead of you in the process but we still feel like amateurs and your words mean a lot. There is a ton of intrinsic reward to what we are doing (and we highly recommend it!), but hearing how our experiences are affecting other people is just so wonderful. I never knew how much I would value this comments section!
If there is anything we can do to help you in your planning, please feel free to get in touch!
Hey Matt and Linds!
I am really enjoying reading your posts and watching the videos!
I read a book years ago that really stuck with me – it was called “Feel the fear and do it anyway” and I say this phrase to myself every time I am thinking about doing something and realize that fear is the only thing stopping me. It’s totally normal to fear the unknown and to fear change. But we shouldn’t allow fear to be our reason not to do something or try something!
That’s a great mantra, Jenn. And the cool thing is that overcoming fear/uncertainty is like exercise – the more you do, the easier it gets.
I have just started reading/watching your adventure! We too have 4 boys and are from Canada, although BC. It has been very inspiring and relatable to follow you specifically. A lot of travel is done with smaller families so it is nice to see that you guys have made it work! Our budget probably won’t be as big because we don’t plan on selling our home but it is good to get a rough idea from you guys and where we can afford to go. I would love to hear what water slides you went to here? Thanks
Hi and welcome! Yes, there are all kinds of families traveling, but we would special attention to the bigger ones when we were doing our research too. The world seems to be made for four-person families! But, there is something to be said for bringing your kids’ play group with you everywhere you go 🙂
There are also many budgets. We are probably somewhere in the middle, but on the lower end for a six person family, I would think. A few cheap, awesome destinations: Bulgaria, Turkey, Sri Lanka, and Malaysia (where we have just arrived).
The water slides were at a water park called Riviera in Brno, Czech Republic – another wonderful place that is also quite affordable compared to western Europe.
Good luck with your planning!
Matt and Lindsay… Can I just say – we LOVE your posts. I am a little unnerved by the feeling that I am reading my thoughts, our family values, thoughts about our own trip on YOUR blog 🙂
We left Australia in January, unlike other families traveling long term…we didn’t feel trapped, or part of the “rat race”, we had already (my husband) changed careers 7 years ago and made the move to regional Australia 4 years earlier to maintain the alignment of our values and life with young children.
We are enjoying the journey and have talked about heading home at different points along the way. we have now settled on 9 months away and are almost 4 months in currently.
Will keep reading these blogs and hopefully we cross paths at some stage.
The Rosses
The small lane 🙂
Hey, thank you Rosses! I just checked out your blog and it looks great (especially the 3310 screen time challenge). Taiwan looks really interesting too. For those readers of this blog who are curious about traveling with younger children, they should check out your blog. There definitely seem to be a lot of similarities in the reflections/insights/opinions full time traveling families develop and I don’t think that is a coincidence.
Keep in touch!
Hi Matt! I came across your blog and YouTube channel after reading your article “stuck on a nail” in the medical post. My husband and I have been reading every single entry of your blog and watching every video and we love it! We are so intrigued! This entry in particular spoke to us and provoked some wonderful conversation! Thank-you for this! It’s nice to see your family is really loving life to the fullest!
Sincerely Kate
Hi Kate – you have my sincerest gratitude for taking the time to write such a kind comment and I am flattered that you and your husband are getting so much out of my work. Keep in touch!